Trauma

'Trauma'

My trauma didn't make me stronger.

I don't think I ever came out of the other side;

I'm still there.

I'm still the same person I was when it happened.

My skin didn't thicken.

My words didn't get louder.

My heart didn't toughen. 

I feel apart and I never managed to put the pieces back together.

My wound is still wide open,

it's wider than you think.

Just because you cant see it through a smiling façade ,

doesn't mean it isn't there.

The world is too much for me sometimes.

That's not because I'm lazy or lacking ambition, 

on the contrary,

I have all of that and more.

I just never managed to find the tools I needed to put myself back together when I fell apart.

I never found the strong voice made stronger by overcoming trauma.

I never found that thick skin to wear that's now lost in the depths of my wardrobe.

I never came out of the other side.

But that's okay,

because I know that one day I'm going to make it there.