The will to live

 The will to live

I think the will to live has finally left me,

it's abandoned me after 20 long years,

alone,

in an empty shell of myself.

I don't recognise anything about myself anymore.

Either the mirror lies,

or I can no longer see clearly.

I am no longer the person I used to be,

the sparkle in my eyes has vanished, 

I'm not sure when.

It could have been when he died,

or when she lied

or when he hurt me,

maybe when she died?

It could have vanished amidst a very busy, unforgiving life.

I don't recognise my own eyes anymore,

they tell a different story.

I've lost myself.

My heart, once warm,

is cold and inaccessible.

My mind, once free,

is chained by my own thoughts.

My eyes, once bright,

are black and dead.

I've lost the will to live,

I say jokingly to my friends over a drink.

Little do they know, 

I lost the will to live many glasses of red wine before this one.