A hole in my heart

A hole in my heart

I was drunk again.
lost in my mind,
I scramble to my feet in search of you.

I'm running around my mind,
dodging memories and running through a mist of my own thoughts.
The four walls around me sway as i look for you.

I keep running,
drunk,
hoping to find the flame we put out and promised not to reignite.

I stumble and fall into my heart,
maybe the answer lies there.

I'm still looking for you.
My body numb from the drink,
my head swaying and my stomach queasy as I search for my heart for the answers.

I reach what seems to be a void,
a crater;
there's a hole in my heart.
Bleeding with old and fresh wounds,
it goes down for miles.
looking down,
i see torn muscles and vessels and,
then,
nothing.

What if the answers lie in the other side of my heart,
the part of my heart you still have?

I collapse to the floor of my own heart as everything sways quicker than it did before.

Maybe the sambucca was a mistake,
but it tells me to be a little brave,
and a little confident.
It pulls me back onto my feet,
and before i know it,
i'm running,
i'm flying,
and then i'm falling,
into the darkness beneath me -
under a cloudless sky
where the clouds say their goodbyes.